I'm sitting here with a CUSG mug of mediocre hot chocolate, a moleskin, Pastoral Ministry According to Paul, and Mat Kearney Radio playing on Pandora.
My room is bare. Scattered things lie here and there, but the couches are gone, the posters are down, and a feeling of goodbye lingers in the air. The last few pages of this chapter of my life are light between my fingers as I slowly, hesitantly flip them over one by one, bracing myself for the back cover of the book.
Things are going to change fast, and suddenly. My college career will be half over, and while i'm learning a lot of myself, I find for every answer i get, three more questions present themselves. I feel like i still have so many loose ends to tie up. Mostly because i do.
I've learned a lot about myself, about investing in each moment, about priorities, about why i'm at college in the first place. Sometimes i wish i could get things right the first time, but i suppose i will have to be satisfied with learning from my mistakes. Like making hot chocolate with Nesquik powder and water, and putting off long term projects until finals week, and ignoring the nudges of the Holy Spirit that don't make sense in the moment, and trying to stop sinning by monastic attempts at righteousness.
I feel like this next chapter is going to be amazing though. Even though I can't deny the bittersweet goodbyes of this chapter.
Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
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